Children

"If you're looking for inside information, you've come to the right place."

"Okay, great. You know about the OISE guy and his child porn?"

"Of course I have. He was also politically connected, you know."

"Yeah, so: what was it? What porn did he create?"

"He wrote a how-to document on grooming children for sexual abuse. How to make a child obedient, to alienate him from his parents, to normalize all perversions."

"Sounds like a lot of work."

"It was actually easy. He took the TDSB's policy paper on sex ed and edited it slightly for a mostly overlapping demographic."

 

***

 

Prince subject to experiment

 

At 4:24 PM GMT today, Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge gave birth to a boy who was quickly spirited away to a dirt cave somewhere in the midlands where he will remain virtually isolated for the next sixteen years.

The boy's father, Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, no stranger himself to the sciences, is foresquare behind it. "Will the unlettered lad say he wants to fly a helicopter?"

The unusual move is the handiwork of the Head Royal Physician, Dr. Madd, who recommended the procedure to settle once and for all the thorny enigma of Kaspar Hauser.