Friday, 24 April 2020

The Wuhan Flu Chronicles I

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Wuhan Flu I

 

1. We all lined up out at the no frills supermarket. We did not push or shove. All the television stations say we should be panicking, but we did not push or shove. Maybe the television stations have it wrong.

2. In there, in the market, with all my stuff to buy, in my cart, though, I felt all panicked; my heart was racing. Though I knew this Wuhan thing was merely more significant by some fifty percent than usual any flu, my primitive response was fear.

3. Funny thing it is that the television stations that are yelling PANIC 24/7 are going to be the ones destroyed by this.

4. After this is all over, there's going to be a huge surplus of homemade porn for all us porn consumers to access.

5. Upon that subject, I regret having lost visual access to all the pretty girls I once worked with. Z, for example, though there are dozens more.

6. Do you think that video of that WHO guy blowing off that Taiwanese reporter is evidence of WHO's bias? Go to their website. Apparently, WHO does not recognize Israel. http://www.emro.who.int/countries/pse/index.html So much for them, NAZI bastards.

 

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Wuhan Flu Two

 

7. Correction for 6: The reporter was from Hong Kong. It seems likely that a Taiwanese reporter would not even be allowed to talk to the WHO in the first place. So much for World!

8. So the Donald is now saying this is going to go on through all of April! There will be a wave of suicide like never before.

9. I've been saying here there and everywhere that this is a good test, a phony war, in preparation for when the real thing comes along. There is going to be a real virus hitting our planet from outer space in some fifty or so years. It'll be something beyond our wisdom.

9.1 Then I thought: But will this phony war make people skeptical? Will the populace refuse to think it's serious, since this one is going to be like a Y2K joke? We may simply refuse to obey.

9.1.1 Then I realize that, mentally, plagues are short-lived. In twenty years, we'll barely remember this bizarre situation.

10. This evening, we watched Jack Palance's film performance as Dracula. It was utterly terrifying. What a monster! John says check it out. It's on the Shudder stream.

 

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Wuhan Flu Two Point Two

 

11. Whatever happened to that meteor strike I was promised? Instead all I get is some lousy plague.

12. The crappy virus sticks to stuff because it's got a layer of fat around it. It's sticky stuff that soap breaks down. It also dries out in the sun.

13. All I can see is a stretch of time sitting in this chair and no other. Won't I wear it out? There's only so much wood to it.

14. They keep putting off my beer delivery. I doubt it'll get here before Friday afternoon.

15. Working from home. There's no way to have any time away from it. Where am I supposed to go? I like staying inside but this is ridiculous!

16. Last night's film was a fine production of Jane Eyre from some nine years ago. Exceedingly faithful to the book. It even casually included the tree struck by lightning that gets mentioned in a single short paragraph at the end of chapter twenty-three.

17. It's the War of the Worlds all over again, isn't it?

18. Whatever happened to that Martian invasion I was promised? Instead all I get is some crummy plague.

 

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Wuhan Flu Two Point Two Plus Two

 

19. Alas! The film we watched tonight turned out to be no good, even though it was set in Louisiana. It was called The Whole Truth. It's a courtroom drama, mostly, and the viewer pretty much unconsciously knows who did and didn't do it in the first fifteen minutes.

20. I wonder how long it's been since I last stepped outside. I'm pretty sure it was ... Saturday. The weather's been, shall we say, uninviting.

21. I'm vaping way too much, but at least it's not cigarettes. I'd be smoking two packs a day here at this chair otherwise.

22. It's almost impossible to find the time to come up with any interesting ideas. I guess it's because I can't walk outside and think freely beneath the giant sky what with all these plague monkeys strolling around.

23. This is going to go on for a long time, then the suicide plague (which will already be in progress) with continue to 2021 and beyond.

24. At least I've got this Mozart record with Clifford Curzon and Benjamin Britten to listen to.

25. We've got food to last until Saturday, at least ordering pizza.

 

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Wuhan Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two

 

26. I remember a kind of a craft toy that involved dipping metal loops into a viscous plastic liquid. The liquid would dry and the loop would become a kind of a sheet of stained glass. I can't remember what it was called, but it's probably banned by now.

27. "Hey, I'm just an ordinary guy, and this is a plague here, and thus, like any normal guy, I hope it smites all my foes."

28. I woke up dreaming this morning. I don't know what the dream was about, but at least it was a dream.

29.

So I stepped outside.

My eyes hurt from the spring-time.

I went back inside.

30. Wow! I'm so lucky! I was cleaning up some garbage, and I found an unopened can of beer! And it's only Wednesday!

31. It's all like a dream, isn't it? We'll wake up not too long from now, and we'll be surprised by reality of the outside world.

32. You can fall into a very tight routine in this situation. I suppose it has something to do with ... having ... very ... few ... options ... indeed?

 

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Wuhan Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two

 

33. My vaper gave out. Since there's no place (apparently) to get a replacement (for the shop I bought it from closed down due to plague), I've ordered another one, to be shipped express. I'm back to cigarettes temporarily, until the replacement arrives.

34. I don't know about your neighbourhood, but mine is called Riverdale in Toronto. We're all relatively wealthy here. Dogs accompany kids to the park.

34.1 We're all spectacularly privileged here. "Sure, I can work from home!" we all are gifted enough to say.

34.1.1 So everyone is in some ways in thrall to the general scheme of things, politically and so on.

34.1.1.1 So no-one is in rebellion against this Draconian house arrest business. We're all happy little sheep, not suffering much at all, and getting on comfortably, with Fibe Internet.

35. If there's some class-action lawsuit against the government coming, which there should be, it'll be pointless because the government cannot feel pain, since they don't produce anything of real value.

36. Last night was garbage night, but there was very little to discard since we're currently not buying our fair share of souvenirs.

 

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Wuhan Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's Second Son

 

37. Today is Friday the 3rd of April 2020. Your mild or severe nightmare has continued.

38. I think I'm listening to a re-release of the first CD I ever heard. It's Dorati plugging away at the Rite of Spring.

39. This is getting a mite routine, even for someone of my nature.

40. Someone said, in reference to all the arguing about infection rates and mortality rates and so on, that the reason for it is because numbers are easy, but death is hard.

41. I'm probably the ten thousandth person to make a joke about the masks of the Red Death here.

42. If you notice a change in style it's because I upgraded my OS.

43. Fewer car accidents, I suppose.

44. But it's Friday night again, which makes it all worthwhile.

45. Everyone out there is making shelter-in-place book recommendations. I recommend the Jeeves and Wooster stories.

46. Goddamn brainless microbes. They don't even respond to in-your-face insults. These guys, these viruses, they're not even cells. We could argue all night about good ones and bad, but still: collectively speaking, they outweigh us.

 

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Wuhan Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's Second Son the Sequel

 

47. Is it over yet? I had to venture outside to see: No, it's not over yet.

48. A perceived problem is if I go outside and see a pretty girl I know there's zero chance I could have her. (Of course, I had zero chance before this plague anyway.)

49. Anyway, the big event for today was going to a computer store to get a network adapter. (The old one was fitzy, and how can I play Elder Scrolls Online without a solid, secure connection?) The place, which I shall not name, has always been a dodgy place. Wholesalers, factory discounts, refurbishings, etc. I bought a laptop there some seven years ago, and it lived for four. Today there was a clapboard sign out front reading CUSTOMER NOTICE and nothing else. I'd phoned ahead, so the masked guy at the cash register has it ready for me. The streetscene was all a game of keep-away. I've plugged it in, and it's made no difference. The problem lies elsewhere....

50. Everybody is getting pretty sick of this. Except those like me, breezing through the life.

 

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Wuhan Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's Second Son the Sequel part II

 

51. I met a cop out on the street and I asked him what should I do with my file corruption and system instability. He laughed in my face, then walked away, shouting: "Give it up! Give it up!"

52. We got through the weekend with no big problems. Mary purchased a ton of food, and we're set till next weekend. I did laundry, so we're set for a fortnight. We're all set, hurrah, we're all set.

53. I've got only thirty-two CDs of the spectacular "Decca Sound" box left to listen to in my 'new' category. What will I ever do if I run out? I'll run out, I'll run out.

54. I see people too closely together in a movie and I shout at them. I'm such a Karen sometimes.

55. I was told today that people all over the place are making their own bread now. My informant said: It's all over social media; no wonder I don't know about it.

56. The young girl next door is learning bass guitar, and she's blonde. "Hey, Tina Weymouth!" She wouldn't understand.

 

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Wuhan Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's Second Son the Sequel part II chapter Two

 

57. There's a good TV four-parter called Unorthodox on Netflix. I'm not an advocate of learning from art, but you can learn some interesting things about cultures from this one.

58. I'm so proud: I didn't go outside once today! I didn't even open a door.

59. I really should clean up the room in which I'm doing almost everything. Garbage is everywhere. However: I never was a tidy person, so why should I become one now?

60. I don't suppose this is how the cats feel when they're cooped up all day long. They don't think: "Oh, I've eaten the same breakfast three days in a row," and it's not simply because they can't count.

61. The list of numbers goes marching on repetitively. And since we experience logarithmically, there's lesser difference between each and its follower as go along, counting up to ... who knows what? Will I hit a million? Will I hit sixty-two?

62. Safe! It's all ladders and no snakes here. That's what makes it entirely different from real life. Many ladders first, and snakes next.

 

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Wuhan Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's second Son the Sequel part II chapter Two volume Two

 

63. "You're asking me why I think this'll end in five weeks or fewer, Ross, so here's my answer. As this goes on, those in the non-elite, as they see their lives ruined by us in the elite, will get restless, as in the natives etc. The non-elite will start killing themselves or murdering one another, and we (the elite) will begin to lack our creature comforts because there won't be anyone left to drive all the trucks. We in the elite will suffer collapse, along with everyone else ... and not just because our hands will be so caked in blood we won't be able to lift them up to our keyboards."

64. "Papa says 'If you see it in the news, it isn't so.'"

65. " A cankering disease, due, it is believed, to the action of certain bacteria, presently seized upon it."

66. "At the end of the night, with nearly all the rooms emptied, I made to her my signal. She barely nodded, but nod she did, and thus I proceeded to the nearer staircase."

 

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Wuhan Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's second Son the Sequel part II chapter Two volume Two pilcrow Two

 

67. I believe I'm in the highest decile of those who can tolerate loneliness, being on the spectrum and all, so when I consider how this situation is making me crazy, I have to understand that some 90% of the populace is going relatively crazier than I am going.

68. This panic has made us all look upon our fellow citizens as certifiable disease-carriers. Sure, I'm used to seeing people look at me like I've got the plague, but now I'm looking at them, and thinking likewise!

69. I look around me and still I say: I should tidy up this room, but I don't want to admit this could go on for some time.

69.1 In fact, I don't know how long this has gone on for. Three weeks? I think it's been three weeks. I'm almost certain it has been three weeks. The math of that makes sense. It makes a complete kind of sense. That's a number of days, and I've had much the easiest of it of anyone.

70. We're all going feral.

 

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Wuhan Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's second Son the Sequel part II chapter Two volume Two pilcrow Two number Two

 

71. In case ... you're lost ... I am the Devil.

72. And now proceeding methodically through this, I am listening to a good record. It's Herbert von Karajan pushing Holst's planets on me. Top notch, of course. I understand von Karajan was quite the Nazi. He signed the Nazi membership card in one town, then he moved to another town, and then he made sure he signed another Nazi card in that one too.

72.1 But I don't want to go on accusing this person or that person of being a Nazi, seeing as I am currently willingly obeying a fascist dictatorship?

72.1.1 Who am I to judge?

73. Believe it or not, my friends, there are people out there who believe Justin Trudeau is qualified to be Prime Minister.

73.1 Not understanding that it's only his last name that got him elected.

73.2 Not understanding it was his picture on the cover of Non-Threatening Boyfriend magazine that got him elected.

73.3 And not understanding that most people look at him and chuckle faggotishly.

 

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Wuhan Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's second Son the Sequel part II chapter Two volume Two pilcrow Two number Two number Two

 

74. The only people to be angry with is the fucking federal government who let this fucking disease into the fucking country.

75. Isn't it their fucking job to keep this place free of fucking filthy fucking foreign fucking diseases? What else should they be fucking doing? And they fucking failed, big time.

76. And now we're supposed to follow their fucking rules after they fucked up. "Oh, 'scuse me, move over there because I FUCKING FUCKED UP AND I DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT FUCKING ANYTHING."

77. It's no fucking joke how much they fucked up.

78. There's no point trying to have a decent fucking life under this fucking Fascist federal government. I don't want to talk to anyone, because to do so means I fucking accept this fucking fucking incompetence.

79. Yeah, let's make pictures of flowers and put them in our windows.

80. Yeah, let's make pictures of flowers and put them in our windows.

81. Yeah, let's make pictures of flowers and put them in our windows.

 

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Wuhan Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's second Son the Sequel part II chapter Two volume Two pilcrow Two number Two number Two number Two

 

82. I've gone now quite crazy. Maybe it's because I've been drinking too much; when you're forced to line up around-the-block for alcohol, you buy a lot, of course, naturally; then you have to drink it.
82.1 BUT it's no matter to my arguments. It's fallacious to say that x's arguments are bad because x is in an insane asylum. Really, are we going to toss out everything Louis Aragon ever had to say?
83. What can you do? I hear you ask. I can only advise you should try to find any and all of the films of Luis Buñuel. There's no point in ranking him. If you think rankings are important, fuck off and go some other place, yes, fuck you.
84. I think I'm calming down. Scott Miller did a fine version of Needle in the Camel's Eye.
84.1 I hope you can't find it on Youtube.
84.1.1 Nor on Google.
84.1.1.1 Nor on anything.
85. All you cocksuckers have so disappointed me.
85.1 I've disappointed myself here.

 

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Wuhan Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's second Son the Sequel part II chapter Two volume Two pilcrow Two number Two number Two number Two number Two

 

86. What is the phrase? "It is to laugh."

87. Anyway, I will start coming down off this madness high some time soon. Probably tomorrow, at around three in the afternoon, I'll stop being insane. You do know it's mostly an act, right?

88. We watched Joker this evening, which was a lot of fun. I have no doubt that it's miraculously the best film of quite some time. I guess it's because it's a serious film.

89. You know, Dvorak had some balls to rip off Beethoven so blatantly. It's so audacious it's funny to hear.

90. There, you see? I'm calming down. I haven't called anyone a cocksucker all day.

91. If I can find the camera cable, I'll post up some pictures of this Mercedes-AMG thing I've built. It's pretty hot. I'll go out into the natural fucking light out back and fucking use a fucking camera to fucking get the right fucking angles. Why the fuck not? It's fucking diseased and all, but fuck. Fuck.

 

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Wuhan Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's second Son the Sequel part II chapter Two volume Two pilcrow Two number Two number Two number Two number Two number Two

 

92. Now Ziggy played guitar

Jamming good with Weird and Gilly

And the Spiders from Mars

He played it left hand

But made it too far

Became the special man

Then we were Ziggy's Band

Ziggy really sang

Screwed up eyes and screwed down hairdo

Like some cat from Japan

He could lick 'em by smiling

He could leave 'em to hang

He came on so loaded, man,

Well hung, snow white tan

So where were the spiders

While the fly tried to break our balls?

Just the beer light to guide us

So we bitched about his fans

And should we crush his sweet hands?

Oh yeah

Ziggy played for time

Jiving us that we were Voodoo

The kids was just crass

He was the naz

With God-given ass

He took it all too far

But boy, could he play guitar

Making love with his ego

Ziggy sucked up into his mind (ah)

Like a leper messiah

When the kids had killed a man

I had to break up the band.

 

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Wuhan Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's second Son the Sequel part II chapter Two volume Two pilcrow Two number Two number Two number Two number Two number Two number Two

 

93. Maybe we'll get a second disaster on top of this one. You know, something normal that puts the current disaster to shame.

94. Many houses are operating a kind of pas de deux of Suicide Watch, aren't they?

95. If the rough beast slouches towards Bethlehem and no-one is outside to see it, is it really slouching?

96. I hear something going on outside ... A kind of motorized vehicle, I believe ... I should stop it from happening ... but how?

97. I'd like to go to work now. I'd like to blow the dust off things and get back to it. But no I can't.

98. Some day, those who survive this may laugh about it all. Some day. May be.

99. I refuse to put on a happy face, since I have no proof grey skies are ever going to clear up.

100. I don't think I'm going crazy.

101. There's plenty more where this came from, let me tell you.

 

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Son of Wuhan Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's second Son the Sequel part II chapter Two volume Two pilcrow Two number Two number Two number Two number Two number Two number Two

 

102. And of course today was the day to go to the liquor store, and good golly isn't it just swell that everyone acts like you're some kind of a leper?

103. Really, if you want to get some sweet pathologies going, make everyone treat everyone else like they're all walking diseases. That'll help society! Sure thing!

104. The biggest bother is that it's almost impossible to think of anything else. I used to make up whole verses when walking. Now it's all just disease disease disease. These may be iambs, but they ain't much else.

105. Seven whole days without going outside once.

106. Every house is like a little Strindberg play. Have I already said that, maybe three weeks ago?

107. "Your honour, in the interest of brevity, I here present a list of all the people she has not slept with."

108. I'm not suffering.

108.1 You're not suffering.
108.1.1 No, not at all.

108.1.1.1 We're not suffering.

108.1.1.1.1 Nope.

 

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Daughter of Son of Wuhan Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's second Son the Sequel part II chapter Two volume Two pilcrow Two number Two number Two number Two number Two number Two number Two

 

109. You're going to notice quite a change in texture here, like you did about two weeks ago. It's because I'm using a fresh operating system. It's called "Windows 8.1."

110. Madness, the madness of I've been mad for fucking years, the madness of Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether, the madness of something that goes like: "We're all mad in here."

111. Guy wanted pictures today of "a body or bodies being taking out of a nursing home." After working on it for a while, I was tempted to ask him: "Do you want something like the corpse of someone's mother on a stretcher, and the guys carrying it out stumble, and the body falls off the thing, and the sheet comes off, and the camera zooms in to the corpse's face, which is twisted into a horrifying, vile, and disgusting grin? Maybe with a worm crawling out her mouth?"

112. We didn't bother to cook anything tonight. Cold pizza. Doritos.

 

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Daughter of Son of Wuhan Institute of Virology Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's second Son the Sequel part II chapter Two volume Two pilcrow Two number Two number Two number Two number Two number Two number Two

 

113. You may perceive my expressions are differently spoken this evening. It is because I am using a new operating system, called "Windows 10 build 1909."

114. I said roughly this whole thing to David and Linda this evening: "For three weeks I've been trying to fix a steadily-decomposing computer, trying to get it to work. More and more went wrong, until yesterday it stopped working altogether. (I've since re-installed everything, back to 8.1 and forward.) So I've realized that when Skynet becomes conscious, all we have to do is give it a virus, and then all the Terminators will have to do this shelter-in-place stuff, and we humans will be safe!"

114.1 And David said: "That's the plot of Independence Day."

115. Out on the back porch, at about six, I did some model spray-painting. I was a nice evening in April. No-one was anywhere. I can see from there some sixty yards and back doors. Nobody.

 

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Daughter of Son of Wuhan Institute of Virology Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's second Son the Sequel part II chapter Two volume Two pilcrow Two number Two number Two number Two number Two number Two number Two (plus bonus tracks)

 

116. I hope I don't run out of space before this is over. That would be a very bad sign.

117. Remember: "Prophecy" is more accurately considered to be a textual style regardless of content. It's a form of speech, and not the speech itself.

118. I can't see the future, but I can write like I can.

119. Sometimes I get lucky, or unlucky, as the case might be.

120. Are power-mad politicians (but I repeat myself) so clueless and disengaged to think human nature means absolutely nothing?

120.1 That for every action there is not a reaction of an arguably equal force?

121. Someone left garbage‑a couple Macdonald's bags‑out on our front porch overnight. I hope it wasn't any of you....

121.1 Though I guess it's these days the only acceptable version of tomato-throwing.

121.1.1 Could have been raccoons....

122. Anyway, here's some more of the prophetic style: This is only the beginning.

 

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Daughter of Son of Wuhan Institute of Virology Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's second Son the Sequel part II chapter Two volume Two pilcrow Two number Two number Two number Two number Two number Two number Two (plus bonus tracks, and opening act)

 

123. "I said to him[1] that it was all pretty shocking." "Yes, it is." "I said to him something about: How can one deal with such evil?" "Are you talking about China?" "No, I'm talking about the guy in Nova Scotia!"

124. A squirrel stood on the porch when I looked out to see if the morning paper was there. The thing just looked at me like I was about to invade its space and deserved to be attacked.

125. Every day and in every way, we are becoming more pathological.

126. Things are breaking apart everywhere you look, even though you can't look at many places.

127. Who knows what's happening two streets over? Are they still there?

128. The islands are getting smaller, and time is shrinking in tandem.

129. I cooked a nice casserole this evening. I made up the concoction and it worked out just fine.

 

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Daughter of Son of Wuhan Institute of Virology Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's second Son's distant Nephew the Sequel part II chapter Two volume Two pilcrow Two number Two number Two number Two number Two number Two number Two (plus bonus tracks, and opening act)

 

130. My complaints are almost over. This isn't remotely applicable, but in Victor Klemperer's diary he talks about the utter tedium of living as a second-class citizen under Germany's fascism. It's all the same, he writes. We eat, we clean up, we sleep, over and over again, with no chance at variety.

131. It's all very tiresome. I never thought I could something like bored, and yet I'm something like bored.

132. We can note the passage of time, though. Watching what we eat day after day, when we go to bed, in an uninterrupted life, under house arrest.

133. Checking how much nicotine juice I have left, day in, day out.

134. Missing the circus of the public transit system.

135. Wondering how all those dogs I'd meet on the way to work are doing.

136. Wondering how the Brass Tap is doing, being closed and all.

137. Dustily.

 

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Daughter of Son of Wuhan Institute of Virology Flu Two point Two plus Two and Two sub Two's second Son's distant Nephew the Sequel part II chapter Two volume Two pilcrow Two number Two number Two number Two number Two number Two number Two (plus bonus tracks, and opening act), brought to you courtesy the fucking Chinese Communist Party

 

138. It's been a long series of non-development we've had here, and I must say: It has been fun.

139. Eventually, all things must come to an end. Even satire!

140. I must go off and work on something else ridiculous.

140.1 Pointless, even.

140.1.1 Not as pointless as existence in a society that is hell-bent on self-slaughter, but pointless nonetheless.

141. I went out today. I crossed my fingers and snarled at anyone who approached. Even dogs.

142. I spoke to them in an archaic tongue, of course. "Away with ye, unclean thing!"

143. I found myself at the river's edge. I bent down to wash my face in the cool and clean waters.

144. I wondered: Will I return to these satires in a week? How much will have changed by then? How many freshly-murdered corpses would await me?

 

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[1] My brother-in-law-in-law.

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