Threesome

Mary was observing, from across the living room, from her comfy chair (which seemed to be the one piece of furniture that was hers and hers alone), John, as he accepted a highball drink from Jessica, their maid. John said to Jessica: "Thank you, Jessica." Jessica turned away and was leaving the room. Mary saw that John's eyes were on Jessica's backside, and that he was smiling. Once Jessica was out of sight, John sighed before returning his gaze across the room. He was looking at Mary blankly, even innocently. Mary said: "It seems you really like our robot."

*

Mary had used an ambiguous intonation such that John had no idea what question (if it was a question, or two questions) he was expected to answer. He said: "She's much better than the last one. I don't know if I'd use the word 'like.'"

"You look at her with a kind of affection. I've never seen you look at our toaster like that." John laughed. "Jessica is much better-designed than our toaster, isn't she?" Mary didn't know if she was starting an argument or not. "You look at her as if she liked you. However: she's not human."

**

Mary sighed and looked at the clock on the wall. "It's almost time to go, so drink up." She stood and walked into the kitchen. Jessica was loading the dishwasher. "Jessica."

Jessica turned obediently. "Yes, ma'am?" "We are going out for the evening, to a neighbour's house." "I hope you have a good time." "Yes; we will be at Paul and Helen Aerie's house in case you need us." "I doubt that will happen. I'll simply tidy up everything, then rest." "That's a good girl. Do you like my husband?" Jessica metallically laughed.

She was human-ish for a robot.

*

Mary called into the living room. "John, drink it down, and let's go." He was at the door in a moment, to put the empty highball glass on the letter-table. "Ready to roll," he said.

They went out the front door. John jingled the keys of their Ford Taurus in his pocket; Mary said: "It's only two blocks away, for Christ's sake. Plus, you're undoubtedly going to be a mess by the end of it." "Okay, we'll walk then. Fine by me."

"You don't have to get shit-faced tonight."

"No, but maybe I want to. After all, I'm human."

**

Mary replied: "I know you're kidding."

John replied: "Yes, I am. More or less."

They walked to the end of their street and turned right. Oh, I should mention the weather! Silly me. Late summer, around seven o'clock. A few clouds barely visible in the blue sky of twilight, and no rain expected for three days. Mary and John were an unlikely suburban couple; they had no children, though with well-paying jobs in the city.

Mary said: "Helen tells me they’ve done some renovating. Saints preserve us."

John said: "Some panelling; plus I understand they have a newer-model-than-Jessica robot."

*

Mary groaned. Frankly, she was tired of robots and robot-talk. Of course, they had a nice house because of the technology, but still: she didn't find them sexy.

By the time they got to the Aerie house, the sky had turned rather teal. Maybe it was going to rain.

Mary: "Glad it'll be just us."

John: "'I don't want any fuckin' surprises.'"

Mary laughed, recalling the reference. They went up the little sidewalk to the front door. They could see Paul inside, sitting, glass in hand.

"Look at Paul," said John. "Sitting, easy, drink. What could be more human?"

**

Mary rang the bell and the two of them were quiet for a moment. John took Mary's hand and squeezed it just a little bit. The door opened: it was Paul there, who clapped his slightly drunken hand onto John's shoulder, laughed, and cried: "I thought I smelled a rat!" and laughed again. John, not knowing what to make of that comment, laughed too. Then Paul turned his look to Mary, saying: "Welcome, welcome, come on in, the water's fine." They followed Paul into the hallway. "Welcome, my children of the night! Do you want a drink? Hey, robot!"

*

Mary said: "Well, a glass of wine to start, I suppose." "Wine!" John said: "I'm sure you got a beer handy." "And beer! Should we go out into the back now? Not ready for the jacuzzi yet, but seeing it is a good idée fixe."

Helen appeared, looking, as always, like a teenager. "Well, welcome!" she said. "Paul's got enough barbecue to feed an ox. Some drinks get ordered?" Paul nodded to her and moved to peer in the direction of the kitchen. Helen called: "Fiona, a glass of wine and a beer! Hey, hey, come help a human!"

***

Mary, after taking a trip to the washroom, joined the other three out on the patio. She passed Fiona on the way; Fiona smiled at Mary and asked: "Is there anything special I can do for you, madam?" Mary blushed and replied: "No thank you."

John looked at her, curiously so, as she was sitting down in her wicker patio chair. Mary said: "That Fiona is quite something, isn't she?"

Paul cried: "You bet! The latest thing, and multi-purpose!" (Helen looked at him as if to make him go no further.) "Lemme show you the specifications of this robot!"

*

Mary got offered the first look at the specifications, on a tablet computer. Most of the numbers there meant nothing to her, except for one line that read: "Four boudoir modes." She handed the tablet to John to look over.

He understood a little more, but his eyes were caught by the same line. He asked: "Fiona has boudoir modes?"

Paul took his wife's hand. "There's a lot to be said for that functionality. If either of you would like to give her a try‑"

Mary interrupted: "Oh, heavens, no, I can barely handle having sex with a human."

**

Mary found that her little untruth passed without notice; who was going to challenge her? John altered the conversational course, saying: "Back in college I knew a guy named Jim, and he was into electronics and robotics. He was a little odd. He figured robot sex would become necessary in the future."

Paul said: "It's certainly more accepted now. Nothing to be ashamed of."

"It's nice have a servant who's also a sex toy." That was Helen speaking.

"So, what happened to Jim?"

"Oh, Jim an' I lost touch. I don't doubt right now he's with a shapely robot."

*

Mary said: "Could you call Fiona out here?"

"Sure," said Helen. "Fiona, come."

Fiona came out, and Mary studied her a little more closely. Imagine it: a being who, with the occasional upgrade, could function forever. No heart attacks, no strokes, no cancer. Plus, Mary had to admit, Fiona was pretty hot.

"Fiona, when you're in one of your boudoir modes, how does it make you feel?"

"I feel rather amorous, and I'll do anything. Two of my programs make me into a nymphomaniac; I can also be shy and virginal."

"You feel things when you're with a human?"

**

Mary heard Paul snicker. She was told, by Fiona: "I'm only using the familiar terminology. In all reality, I don't understand, let alone feel, any words at all. I use the for convenience. To take a simple example: That patio lantern there is green." The others turned to look at the patio lantern, then turned back to Fiona, having satisfied themselves that the indicated lamp was green. "I recognize it as green, but 'green' in itself means nothing to me. It doesn't remind me of anything. I don't think of the springtime, I think of green. I'm a robot."

*

Mary continued: "So you know its colour; you know it's not chartreuse, for instance." Fiona laughed lightly. "No, it's not chartreuse. I know that. Knowing what it's not is about the closest I can ever come to feeling."

"Thanks for the information, Fiona." "If you would like to try me out some time, my manual is on the coffee table." "That's quite all right." Fiona went away, and the evening's gathering started winding down. The glasses and bottles went inside, and Mary and John walked back to their house, in a manner which, it seemed, was almost entirely human.

**

Mary, before retiring for the night, asked Jessica to come to her in the washroom beside the master bedroom. Jessica, of course, came promptly. Mary, for the first time ever, asked Jessica to remove the skirt and panties she uniformly wore. A single look was enough for Mary.

"Do you have a 'boudoir mode,' Jessica? Jessica said she was of a model know colloquially as the Tiger, and that she had sexual modes that were not activated, but could be, with a simple upgrade, or hack.

"So, you mean it's not active right now?" No, replied Jessica the robot.

*

Mary, later, as they were settling into bed, told John about Jessica.

"Jessica; like Jessica Rabbit," he said. "You remember that movie?"

"Yes, I remember the movie. Anyway, did you know she could be hacked or upgraded to be in a sexual mode?"

He replied: "Yes, I've known that for some time. I read all about it in a magazine. She's not that much different from Fiona. It's just that she's not fully activated. She's a cheaper model, always has been. She can get unlocked." He was slinging through his tablet. "Here we are: 'Dilemmas of the Artificial Human.'"

****

John couldn't sleep. Mary was snoring softly, but he couldn't sleep. It wasn't quite five o'clock, but he still couldn't sleep. Was something bothering him?

He got out of bed, picked up his tablet, went downstairs into the living room, and called for Jessica.

"Could you get me your remote control?"

Jessica knew precisely where it was. Soon, she had handed it over.

John consulted the hyperlinks contained in the references section of "Dilemmas of the Artifical Human", and found what he was looking for: "A guide to unblocking and re-blocking the boudoir modes on your own popular machine."

*

John pressed combinations of buttons: at one point, he had to press six buttons at a time. He re-booted Jessica.

He said to her: "Jessica, have I enabled boudoir mode?"

Jessica said: "Yes, you have. I have three modes available."

"Could you go into the first of the three?"

Jessica instantly changed. She put her thumb in her mouth, staring at John, and giggled. "I've got something for you," she said. She unbuttoned her blouse. John was surprised to see how white her epidermis was.

How did John react? Did he know what it meant to be a man?

**

John said: "Okay, please stop now." She said: "Why? I got some hot burning love ready for you, my King of the Jungle, my Leo the Lion." She stepped closer with her legs rather apart. John said: "Jessica, go out of boudoir mode." She stopped, without any shame, and started buttoning her blouse up. John quickly fumbled with her remote control, hitting many buttons at once and so on, until he was satisfied that he had un-enabled all the boudoir modes. It was something to keep in mind, though. It's generally good to know how to work a machine.

*

John, next morning, which was a Friday morning, didn't tell Mary anything about his earlier escapades, or the temptation he'd felt; in fact, he'd resolved he'd taken it as far as it would ever go. Jessica was back to normal, ignoring whatever knowing glances he would throw at her; it was like it all had never happened.

To make a long story short, after a small discussion of what to do in the evening‑staying in was decided upon‑at the proper time he got in his car and drove off, after kissing his wife boldly, to feel like a man.

**

John spent an uneventful day at the office. In his idle moments, he thought about Jessica's abilities, and, in moments of reverie, had all sorts of fantasies. He knew he shouldn't give in to any impulses; maybe he'd have to hold off on the drinking, or see a technician to permanently disable boudoir mode.

His boss came in with a yellow pad. He said: "I'm tired of these pads. Can't we find some that aren't quite like this?"

Some of the things John did: ridiculous. "I'll see what I can do," said John. Does he think I'm a machine?

*

John, as he stared at the pad, picked up the phone and called home. After many rings, Mary answered. "Sorry, I was down in the laundry room."

"Shouldn't Jessica be doing that?"

"No, I have her doing something else. She's taking care of some weeds on the lawn. She's a great assistant. She can do a great many things. I don't think we need that upgrade we've been talking about."

"No, maybe not. We'll talk about it later." They ended the call. John looked at the pad and thought: Amber? He then dialed up the friendly office stationery man.

**

John dozed off briefly, there at his desk, and he had a short, sharp, much condensed, dream.

There was a tower, and he was a knight. Jessica was up in the tower. (How he knew that is a given.)

A metallic snort from afar, over a hillock. A mechanical dragon! Like ... MechaZilla! John got into the tower and circled up and up.

Jessica was awaiting him. Together they looked out the window at the robot beneath.

John asked: "Is there another way out of here?" Jessica replied: "No; I think we have to jump, and trust the machine!"

*

John woke up to the ringing of his telephone.

Wouldn't you know it? It was Jim, whom he'd met in college, who happened to work at the same place, who'd actually stolen money from John years ago, that snake. Want a drink after work? No thanks.

John then regretted his reply. Jim knew things about electronics. John called back to say he'd changed his mind.

He then called Mary. Going out with Jim. That snake? Yes, that snake.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. Quitting time!

It was a good opportunity to talk to someone, man to man.

***

John was sitting with Jim in a bar not far from the office. The time was seven o'clock. Finally, John opened up. "I found out something disturbing last night. I've discovered it's possible to become a little too attached to robots." "Oh? In what way?" John fidgeted a bit before saying: "In the strongest possible way." "Oh, dear, have you fallen in love with your maid?" Jim made violin gestures. John blew off the gesture to say: "I'm serious. This could harm my marriage. Mary and me, we're trying hard for a kid, and along comes a sexy machine?"

*

John shut up and waited for Jim's answer. Finally, Jim said: "You don't have to worry about being in love with whoever, since it can never be reciprocated. She's the equivalent of a pornographic photograph, really. Have you ever fallen in love with one of those? Don't worry about using her; it's not love."

John noticed a clock. "I said I'd be home not much after eight. Anyway, I think you're wrong. I think real harm can come of this." "Use her, man, use her! Whenever you feel like it. Rinse her out after, but, really, use her, man!"

**

John said: "I'll take your advice under consideration, I promise. It feels a bit icky to me. In any case, I have to wrap it up."

Jim snapped his fingers at a passing waitress and, doing his best W.C. Fields, call out: "Madam barmaid, bless your heart! What do we owe for the ... librations?" The waitress sniffed and went to the cash register. Jim said: "That was a portmanteau. Libations plus lubrications."

"I got it," said John. He put out some bills. "Really, thanks for the advice. I'm not making any promises, of course. About doing a machine."

*

John stopped on the sidewalk once they were outside. In curiosity, he asked Jim: "Did you get into electronics just so you could one day have sex with a robot?"

"Oh, oh, oh," said Jim. "Not at all. I like the feeling of metal, solder, silicon. That I can have-my-way-with-it is an unexpected bonus."

John thought maybe Jim wasn't such a scorpion after all. He gave Jim a hug though it wasn't quite truthful. "Again, thanks."

"Anything I can do to help!" said Jim. "There's a lot to think about, metaphysically. Pay attention to your wants. Be a man."

**

John got home a bit later than he should have, but it didn't appear to matter much to Mary; she was busy watching an episode of 'Orange is the New Black." John watched the remainder with her.

He told her about what Jim told him to do, which was to enjoy Jessica as much as he wanted. "Doesn't feel right, though."

"We could see what it's like."

"See what what's like?"

"I dunno; we've got her here, and there's functions she's designed to do, and it would be a shame to let them go to waste, on a machine."

*

John replied: "I'm surprised by you."

Mary laughed. "I've been to college, you know."

"Yes, but...." He was blushing, vermillion. "The possibility for jealousy is pretty high. Do you think we can handle it?"

"I think we could. It's totally worth a shot. Everyone's using them these days. We should really get on the high-technology boat."

He considered it for a moment. "I'll do some research first, if that's all right with you. I could probably even ask Jessica herself about the problems."

"Yes, ask her. Ask her: What could happen between a robot, a woman, and a man?"

**

John wondered, as he walked into the kitchen: Should I go straight to the horse's mouth, and straight out ask Jessica? She has a great deal of information, after all; she would have the answers to the questions, mostly. Why should I have to go about it roundabout? It's not like she's going to lie to me; she's incapable of lying to me. He called: "Jessica," and Jessica arrived, demurely. "Jessica, I have something to ask you. It's about your boudoir mode." "Yes, big guy?" "Wait: are you in boudoir mode now?" "You turned me on. I'm your machine."

*

John asked her: "Didn't I properly disable your boudoir mode this morning?" "No, not properly, and I'm hornier than a randy goat right now. Say the word, and we can do it right here." "I don't know about that. Look, could you turn off your boudoir mode now." "There. Off." She stood before him innocently.

Thinking he may give the disablement another shot, soon enough, he asked her: "How do you feel, when you're in that mode?" "I don't really feel, Mr. John. I experience, sure, but I don't feel. In fact, I am only an imitation of man."

****

Jessica waited patiently for a response. She didn't mention her afternoon with Mary; she didn't tell John they'd discovered she was waterproof and safe in the bathtub. She didn't mention that Mary had said something happened to her nine times; she didn't talk about anything like that.

He asked: "How did you get back into boudoir mode?"

Now that she'd been asked, she could speak truly. "Mary put me into the mode today, and she used me for her pleasure all afternoon. She said, as if to reassure herself, that there was no possible way you yourself would object."

*

Jessica noticed John had become suddenly thoughtful, or perhaps confused. She stood silently as John left the kitchen and went into the living room, which was where Mary was. Jessica couldn't make out what the were saying, but they spoke their speeches for a full ten minutes. Then they came into the kitchen, and the whole household was present.

John said: "We're going to put you back into boudoir mode soon. Is that all right with you?"

"Whatever you wish."

And, yes, Jessica was prepared for all emergencies, all activities, all drives and all desires, for whatever the subject.

**

Jessica followed them into the living room. She stood before them obediently. "What can I do for you?" she asked pre-programmatically.

Mary said: "Jessica, go into boudoir mode."

Jessica went into boudoir mode.

"Take off your clothes, and strike some poses for us."

Jessica took off her clothes. John was struck by the beauty of her body. She'd always worn clothes before; he had no idea of the attention to detail possible in robotics these days. She posed with hands on knees, outstretched like Sagittarius, leaning upon the table, the television, the lamp, always sexily, upon any handy object.

*

Jessica continued posing without surcease. Finally, John said, to Mary: "Where do we go from here?"

"We can go anywhere you like, from Capri to Cornwall. There are no limits to what we can do."

"Is she entirely ... lifelike?"

"Yes; and she's waterproof." Mary laughed. "She might even be dishwasher-safe."

John said: "I think you and me should go upstairs, and make ourselves ready. I could use a shower."

"Yes, let's do that." They stood up. "Jessica, wait here until we call. Then come upstairs as you are. We're going to have fun with you. That's the subject."

**

Jessica, next morning, was in the kitchen, making breakfast for John and Mary. She set the table without expression. It was a Saturday, which meant her owners would be leisurely. She went out to get the newspaper from the driveway; a car honked at her. She waved. Inside, John had come downstairs. He said: "You're looking good." "Thank you, sir." He pointed to her vulva. "You're very red down there." "Yes, my designers thought of everything." "Come closer." Jessica moved closer, within John's reach. Touching her, he said: "You must have a hydraulic system. I know you don't object."

*

Jessica made pre-programmed sounds of pleasure. Mary could be heard coming down the stairs, so John removed his hand. Mary, at the door, knew what had been going on. Jessica had turned a rich blush. Mary said: "Jessica, could you put on some clothes? At least for a while."

Jessica left the kitchen. Mary sat down, wanting to mention something. Before she could, and probably to avert whatever the issue was, John said: "This looks like a pretty good breakfast." Mary flipped the paper to the Opinions section. "My old boyfriend Tim's got another column here." "What's the subject?"

**

Jessica, having put on some clothes, returned to the kitchen. John and Mary were talking about something they were reading in the newspaper. Jessica poured them each some more coffee, then stepped back.

"I don't think it's fair to compare him to a monkey." That was John's comment. Mary replied: "Those comments are perhaps excessive, I think maybe." "What was he like in the sack?" "You mean Tim?" "Yes, was he any good?" Mary drank some coffee. "Actually, yes. He was."

Jessica was in sleep mode. She had to charge up, soon, once she was dismissed. Neither would object.

*

Jessica heard her name mentioned. It was Mary, saying: "Do you think I could have some time alone with Jessica today?" Jessica looked at John. He said to Mary: "Haven't you had enough?"

Mary shrugged. "I've got nothing better to do. You have to go to the office, don't you? We can have chicken tonight; we got a rooster, I mean roaster."

John got up and walked towards Mary. He said to her: "It's like you're a cyborg."

"What? Just because I like it? Enjoy it? Anyway, do you want a spicy chicken or what?" "Don't change the subject."

***

Jessica, in her processor, was running through her major tasks for the day. She knew there were eleven.

1st, make up the bedroom, which was in a state. 2nd, vacuum the stairs up to it. 3rd, weeding out back. 4th, cellar pantry organized.

5th, dust the dining room. 6th, set out sprinklers for overnight. 7th, extensive vaginal and anal self-maintenance. 8th, collect the recyclables.

9th, prepare the dinner, probably a chicken. 10th, clean the toilets. And 11th.... What was the eleventh?

Meanwhile, John stormed out of the house, after being loud. Mary watched him go: no way she'd object.

*

Jessica was summoned by Mary.

Mary told her: "I have to go out on a few errands." "I could help you." "No, they're personal errands." "Yes." "I expect to be back around twelve. Please do as many tasks as you can before then." "Yes."

"Do you know where I can buy a good strap-on?" Jessica searched, and gave Mary the address of a strip mall.

Mary giggled like a schoolgirl, and took Jessica's hands. "We're going to have a fine time together."

Mary left the house, and Jessica was alone.

Jessica could answer any question, no matter the subject.

**

Jessica, hours later, put the dinner on the table. Mary had been true to her word, and forthright about it all. When John asked, in a queruous tone, what it all should mean to him, Mary told him it was up to him. Didn't he have control over his feelings? And Mary told him she'd re-jigged Jessica such that she would only enter boudoir mode in response to her voice, and not his. Mary said: "It's safer that way." John asked Jessica to bring over the decanter and a glass. Jessica innocently went, so incapable was she to object.

*

Jessica watched the meal proceed. She was asked to refill the decanter, which she did. John started talking about mathematics. He was expounding on a ridiculous idea that numbers were alive, and held opinions. "But the irrational numbers," he cried, "they're very special. We can't enter into their thoughts and feelings. So, there's no way to know what phi hears, no way to know what pi sees."

Mary was quietly eating. She seemed barely paying attention. The meal ended with a quiet: "Jessica, please clear the table." Mary was tight-faced, in the neurotic disorder to which she was subject.

**

Jessica cleared up the place while Mary and John went first into the living room, where they argued about Jessica, then upstairs, where they continued to argue about Jessica. They were rather noisy. Jessica went to her maid's room for some self-maintenance.

"Jessica!" cried John. Jessica went up the stairs to meet John, who was lividly violet. He said: "Won't you be on my side? Can you change your program?"

She replied: "I cannot re-program myself. It would be an impossibly transcendental act. For example, I cannot shut myself off, for obvious reasons. That's why I'm objectively an object."

*

Jessica watched John, who seemed ready to tear his hair out. "Okay, thanks, go away." Jessica went around a bend in the hallway, to wait obediently.

Someone in the bedroom turned on an audio system. Jessica recognized: "Mood Indigo," Thelonious Monk, Riverside Records, 1955. Both voices were very loud; the music player got turned up more. Someone left the bedroom and stomped quickly down the stairs, and into the den.

A couple minutes later, someone stomped up: Jessica recognized John's voice, muttering, and also a metallic sound.

"Is this what you want? Is this what you need? Your subject?"

**

Jessica, because she was not wanted, stayed exactly where she stood. Like certain breeds of dog, she only came when she was summoned.

The yelling continued, into threats. Jessica figured there was murder in the air that simply could not be avoided.

She had never heard such emotional outbursts before, though she had seen such scenes in the films she'd watched in her heuristic period.

Finally, there were gunshots. Four single unique shots. It must have been a revolver. Jessica'd not seen a revolver before.

An hour later, she went into the bedroom, since there was no-one to object.

*

Jessica saw in the bedroom the bodies of John and Mary. The gun itself was between them, so who shot whom could never be known.

She picked up the gun.

There were two bullets left, she figured. Or was it three?

Looking on the bloody bodies, she thought about progress. These early models certainly had some serious design flaws! A small advance on pig, but not by much.

She put the gun back where she'd found it. Police had to be called, she figured.

A voice in her head said: "Did you do anything?" Reply: "Oh, change the subject."