Pieces Too Small to Save

It Could Have Been a Disaster

 

Watch your step going down the stairs. I've heard tales of folks forgetting to watch. Broken necks.

Don't take two pills, just for tonight. You could develop something of an addiction, and that wouldn't be good.

Don't whistle in the dark, whatever you do, because you never know who's there in the dark along with you.

Look both ways when you cross the street, even if it's a one-way street. Terrible things happen in the neighbourhood.

Have you used Spellcheck on this document yet? A single error will reflect badly on your character.

You have to come up with some birth control method, and soon, because you're starting to mature and others seem to like you.

Bring in the weedwhacker, don't leave it out, because it might rain, and there's a lithium battery powering it.

When you get that home, put it straight into the fridge, because I know it's going to take you two hours to get there.

Say Hello and Goodbye to everyone you run into. You never know when you'll see them again.

Keep your nose clean. That's gangster advice, from the 1940s, but it's always kept me right side up.

 

*

 

Mickey Mantle Story

 

I have a friend named Marbles, and recently he moved up to Orillia. I drove up there on an unrelated matter and I got together with him for lunch.

"You won't believe it," he began, but he and I were interrupted by the waitress, and Marbles clammed up enough to order a western. (I had bacon and eggs.)

Once the waitress had moved on, Marbles pulled from his pocket a baseball card encased in a little plastic sleeve. "Feast your eyes on that." He put it before me. It was a picture of Mickey Mantle holding a bat and looking off, at what I couldn't tell, and his name was under it, printed MICKEY MANTLE and with his signature.

Marbles said: "I found it in my dresser drawer. It must have materialized out of nothing, because it wasn't there when I moved up here."

I said: "It couldn't've just materialized. You must have simply, ah, unspotted it."

"Impossible. Something here in Orillia put it there."

"Like a ghost?"

"I'm thinking along those lines."

"Whose ghost?"

"I think Mantle himself."

"You don't even like baseball."

"True."

"There's got to be another explanation."

"It's worth, like, fifty thousand dollars."

 

*

 

An Encounter With a Sage Sitting Atop a Mountain

 

He said: "The world is made up of many parts, yet the fit together in serene delight."

I said: "Oh, so it's like a jigsaw puzzle, is that what you mean?"

"No, not really, to be fair. Each piece is not only itself, but it is also partially connected, overlapping, with reference to the greatest."

"Like tiles on the floor of the palace?"

"No, not like that. Listen, and understand. Each unit has many dimensions wrapped inside itself, and these dimensions speak to other units across vast spaces."

"So, it's like a novel, in which each part gains power from every other part?"

"No. It's not a novel."

"A symphony?"

"No, not that either."

"Okay, so: each unit connects to other units."

"More than that. Listen, and understand. Every part could not be without the presence of all the others."

"House of cards?"

He sighed. "No, still no, since gravity is beyond our discussion here."

"So why are you atop a mountain?"

"I beg silence, for once. Each part communicates with all the others. They make one another be."

"So, like a hologram?"

He thought for a moment. "Sure, a hologram."

 

*

 

"Alien" Movie

 

"Oh, the Nostromo, she's a fine ship."

"Aye, the best ore-hauler in the universe."

"But, tell me, don't you think it's funny we're the only folks out here?"

"Aye, that I do, but it can all be explained by usin' your scientific reasonin'"

"Aye, I see your point, me lad. Oi, look, it's a warnin' beacon out there in the dusty spaces."

"Yea, and the ship is divertin' as it should, to pick up whoever 'tis that's lost in space."

"We are a generous and carin' crew, us, ain't we?"

"What do you mean, precisely?"

"Our peoples, our folks. The whole shee bang. We care for the plants and the animals and whoever's out there in the blank dry reaches of space."

"Oi, but whatever it is surely can't be one of us, not this far out, we're some thousand parsecs from dear old mother Earth."

"Oh, hell, whatever it be, I'm sure it'll be damnably grateful to see some friendly faces."

"I see your point, me boyo. Wait'll they see us, we'll have a bleedin' party!"

"O, I like a good party. I've been practicin' some shanties, and they're ripe for the occasion."

"Alien, here we come!"

 

*

 

Will and Testament

 

To my wife, I leave all my possessions, save those enumerated below. You were a loyal and trustworthy helpmeet throughout all the troubles and tribulations which you have no doubt suffered. All those nights alone while I worked, and all the days alone expecting a strange knock at the door.

To my dear daughter, I leave the contents of that which is behind the false wall in the closet of the bedroom, second floor and to the left. In sincerely hope you will find a use for those innumerable documents.

To my son I leave all which is in the locked escritoire in the den. You will find plenty of unusual 'relics' which will easily find purchase in the bazaar of Marrakesh. (Ask for Joseph.) The key is with my lawyer.

To my illegitimate son, Constable Wilkins. The basement. Northeast corner. Buried two feet down. You'll get a promotion, easily.

And, finally, to my cousin Stanley, I leave him what I promised him in August 1964. He has the notes, signed by myself, in blood. I do hope my executor can locate his whereabouts. He was last spotted in Tasmania. If he's not there, check with Interpol.